Have I Become a Seasonal Friend?
There’s this saying that I’ve always loved….only this time, it stung.
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime….
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, is real. But only for a season.!
I have trust issues, and I’ve pushed away so many friends, I’m left standing as a seasonal friend. I was forced to look at myself this summer when my son posed a question to me about friendship.
I had to be honest with myself and realize just how many people I had pushed away. It’s not you – it’s me. Trust me…it’s me.
I’ve had people I’ve been very close to on more than one occasion – that I’ve walked away from. Nobody pushed me out, I chose to walk away….leaving friends scratching their heads. It didn’t make sense – nothing happened to cause it, but away I went. I was safe for a moment…nobody could get too close, phew!
Let me explain a bit — I’ve been burned a lot in the past. Most of it happened when I was a young adult, and those patterns left scars. My trigger response has come to be that the moment I realize people have the ability to hurt my feelings, or affect me in a certain way – I panic and I run. I don’t like to let people in too close, because then I’m attached and they have the ability to hurt me.
I’d rather turn away before you can hurt me. I just assume you will at some point, even though it’s not your intention. I need to heal this inside of myself.
I’m sorry to friends from my past I’ve walked away from without better explanations. It’s an old wound I need to work on healing….It’s a pattern, one I’ve repeated too many times.
My son’s simple question about friendship really made me stop and look at what I’ve done. I’m so good at isolating myself, I’m going to end up alone if I’m not careful.
I walk away….and then I regret it. I’m too proud or foolish to try to heal the situation – I move forward and find comfort in my new seasonal friends.
I hate this about myself. I need to work on it….I’m putting a spotlight on it, so I’m forced to relook at this issue in my life.
