Surviving NJ

Fresh Starts – with an old blog comes issues like broken links, pics that no longer work, and other small things. As I went into to fix it a little bit at a time – a blog with 1,500 posts it was a bit overwhelming. With over 300+ broken links whether in comments, companies or websites that no longer exist, small filler pieces that found there way there when I didn’t have much to say….it’s time to bring it back to basics and clean it up.

At one point my hosting company changed my server and in the process, I could no longer post a picture and all the pictures I had in tact – half had issues. I ignored it for awhile, as I have a lot of websites (my business), and this was a small personal journal of sort, and not as important as my business websites. The time has now come to repair Surviving NJ and lift it from the ashes — I’ll be grabbing some of my older posts – but to go in and clean up 1500 posts, checking for pics, all the broken links, it’s just not going to happen. I’m going to try to salvage a few important posts from the 1,500 posts, but it’s time to heal this blog, fix the errors that have arisen and start fresh. I’d love to write to this blog again, but I knew how much it needed and with business priorities pressing, this always got pushed back….so now it’s time!

Over the course of the next week, I hope to have this fixed, straightened out, be rid of the broken links, the missing pictures and the sort….see you on the other side.

I finally went ahead and got some testing done my doctor had been suggesting for awhile. I’d put it off only because it wasn’t covered by insurance. At a couple hundred dollars – I kept finding reasons I didn’t need to have this test done. Vacation is coming up, bills to pay, etc..You get the idea.

A moment came where I felt it was time to have the blood test done. We were testing for food sensitivities. The best I can explain this is that a food allergy, you have an immediate reaction. A food sensitivity – you have a delayed reaction (in the range of 6-72 hours) and often times, because it’s a delayed reaction, you don’t think it’s a food you have a problem with. My body was making antibodies and acting in an inflammatory response…(apparently for years).

And so the moment came – I went to my doctor’s office to find the results of my test. I was sensitive to so many foods, I felt overwhelmed. Here’s a small look at some of the foods I’m now deleting from my diet.

Wheat, Gluten, Oat, Eggs, Dairy, Potato, Tuna, Tomatoes, Sauflower Oil, Soy, All nuts (except walnuts), bakers yeast, brewers yeast, watermelon, oranges, strawberries, iceberg lettuce (seriously?) and the list goes on.

My immediate reaction was to panic. What’s left? I could happily live on tuna, potatoes and eggs – and three of my favorite staples were now gone, along with most processed foods. Trust me, turn a box around, read a label and you’ll be amazed. Crap, I bought this flavored rice, it’s got yeast in it, turn a box of cereal around and there’s malt or wheat hiding it in the middle of the list, even though you think it’s a corn cereal.

Look at sauces and salad dressings you use, 99% of them are no longer on my list. That includes ketchup, bbq sauce, soy sauce, thousand island dressing, ranch, you see my dilemma?

I go to a restaurant and order a hamburger with no roll, no lettuce, no tomato, no onion, no cheese (except for hard cheeses) – no fries (learning to adjust to sweet potato fries)….wait, hold that lettuce on the salad, the onion, the croutons…yeah…

I’ve kept a positive attitutde mostly, looking at all the foods I still can eat, and decided – I’m not going to be radical here, I’m going to just work around it. We go out to eat a lot. I managed to figure things out. In fact, we just took a 4 day trip and I ate out 8 times. I had steak, and a burger, and sausage, and clams with cornmeal coating, more sweet potato fries than I care to have, or have had in my entire lifetime….picked at salads, picked at some veggies, etc. I did make the mistake of having meatballs with my sausage totally forgetting they use breadcrumbs – and I dearly paid for it a couple of hours later. I’d been “glutened” and I did it to myself, whoops. Lesson learned.

Breakfast was tough, so we decided to have breakfast at the hotel, and I’d have a safe cereal each morning. My husband walked down to a little deli each morning for his coffee and coffee cake and I’d have my cereal and maybe an apple.

I’m moving along swimmingly well – until I got home and hit the supermarket. I go to the cereal aisle to pick up my cereal that somehow or other passed my “test” of ingredients on the box. My husband and I were looking at different cereals, and my jaw dropped. My cereal (my CORN cereal) had wheat half way down the list of ingredients. How had I not seen it…how did I not know? I wanted to break down and cry. For the first time in over 2 weeks – I felt really overwhelmed. Seriously overwhelmed, like almost panic attack in the middle of a grocery store. I could feel my eyes wanting to well up. Seriously – my cereal…what else can you take from me.

What it comes down to, is if I want to heal my intestines, which are currently not doing well – read Leaky Gut- I need to let these things go. I need to heal my body – and correct a 20 year digestive issue. I picked up two new cereals to try, double checked the ingredients and they passed, my husband double checked also…but I stood there in a daze.

I’d all ready promised to give up this other stuff, I gave it all up, I’ve even had a great attitude about it….and then ONE more thing was taken away, and I just wanted to sit in the aisle and cry. Thankfully I controlled the urge and just slowly walked out of the aisle and into the last one. I snapped at my husband when we were putting groceries away. He knew why…I knew why…but I just flipped out. I apologized within moments and told him what he all ready knew. I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at the food. I’m so angry that I can’t just have what I want….well, sure I can, but I’m damaging my body in the process.

So to end this, I do want to tell you what I’ve gotten out of this so far — so I can end on a positive note.

- less mad dashes to the restroom – my GI track thanks me
- tried a couple new foods – sweet potato fries be damned, I’m starting to like them
- healthier eating
- knowledge as to why my body has been this way for so long

And so…I’ll continue to move forward. I’ve had my little outburst, and there’s nothing left to do but put it behind me and move on. Thanks for listening.

Every time I come home from vacation – I come home to stuff – a lot of stuff. Sometimes I don’t realize how much “stuff” I have laying around until I’ve stayed at a hotel or vacation condo for a few days. I like that my bathroom shelf on vacation only has a few essentials on it.

I just got back from a 12 day trip and noticed I have 3 different shampoos in my shower, a couple conditioners, and 4 other products (2 bodywashes, 2 hair treatments)….what the heck do I need with all of that stuff in my shower. Let’s be honest, there’s 1 of each I prefer – so why not just narrow down to those choices. Maybe it comes down to choice…maybe I just like to have a lot of variety or choice in my selection….but honestly, I just think I’ve collected this stuff and it needed a place.

My bathroom counter and sink holds multiple lotions, cleansers and make-up products, though I really rely on just a few. Here I am in my 40′s and I think I’m pretty much done experimenting with what I like or what works for me, and it’s time to pare down to more basics. What do I actually use on a regular basis and what can I let go of?

It’s time. I’m turning my nail closet (yes, I have an entire cabinet with nail products – I do have my license!) into a running cabinet. Let’s put it to use with things I actually use. Of all those products that are in there now, I routinely use maybe 4 or 5….but I probably have about 30. I needed to try them all, it’s just what I wanted at the time. I don’t think I need that anymore.

I want to shed all these extra stuff. I started with books – donated tons of them, and then worked through some clothes. Let’s be honest here…I have a bunch more clothes to sort through – I’ll get there. I just shipped out a bunch of purses I wasn’t using, so I am going through things…a little bit at a time.

I’m happy to report that I finished my THIRD half marathon this past weekend. I did one in March, one in April and now one in May. I’m the last person you’d expect to find out there running along, and sometimes it even surprises me how I’m digging down and getting it done.

I don’t write this to boast or brag. I am writing this to reach out and let you know I learned a secret…and I want to share it with you. As much as running a very long distance is physical, it is also a mental challenge. Yeah, you knew that right? Okay – well, what if I told you it was more of a mental challenge than a physical one? I can only tell you my point of view — others may feel differently…but what I find is that once I get moving, the momentum can carry me quite a distance.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s tough work….I mean, you feel it – your entire body feels it….your legs, your feet, your hips, knees, your back — it’s not always a pleasant thing, but it’s those moments WHEN you’re feeling it….and you are DOG TIRED and you just want to stop or sit down…at THOSE moments– that’s where the biggest piece of the race is for many people, myself included…it’s the point where you push PAST those moments and know that you can do it and you will do it anyway.

During my first race, right about mile 8 – I wanted to sit down in the worst way…just for a minute I told myself, just want to rest for a moment….but I kept going. It happened about a zillion other times in my head during the rest of the mileage, but you just keep going.

During my second race, at mile 11.5 I started to cry. I cried for two reasons…I knew I was out there last and slower than EVERYBODY else, but I also realized I was going to stick in and finish it, even though by this point it felt like I was walking on razorblades from the lovely blisters I’d formed on the downhills, but I kept going.

During my last race, this weekend….it was at 11.5 again that a wave came over me. I just wanted it to be OVER….I wanted it to be finished, I thought that 13.1 miles was a stupid, stupid distance and I wasn’t happy, but I kept moving…and I kept going.

All three of those times – when I didn’t want to keep pushing because I was UNCOMFORTABLE, I kept going. I’m bringing this lesson into my life in other ways now….just because I’m uncomfortable doesn’t mean you can/should quit. You keep going and get it done….whatever it is you’re hoping to achieve.

Here’s to getting it done – whatever it is in your life that needs to get done!

Why am I trying to feed my soul? I know the answer to this question…it’s not a secret. It still doesn’t help sometimes…having the answer is only half of the battle.

Sometimes we just have to accept that the growing process takes time — as much as the healing process.

I also know that hormones start a wave inside of my body that creates chaos and confusion. It doesn’t make the hormones any less powerful at that moment in time.

Just because you’ve been driving a path towards a finish line doesn’t mean you won’t get detoured over and over again.

…there are moments of bleakness in piles of joy and happiness. On the see-saw of life, my happiness meter is stacked so well that it’s crazy how one tiny, itty bitty piece of “emotion” can weigh it down.

Feeding the soul — yeah, that’s the ticket. How can you be surrounded by people and still feel alone sometimes? People talking to you, with you, at you…and you see them…you know they are there, but it’s like that screen in your window…it’s still blocking you from the outside….if only you could push that damn screen out of the window so it stops blocking the fresh air.

I know the fresh air will be back. I know the stupid, heavy hormone feeling is clouding my clear thoughts – I know feelings are blown out of proportion…common sense, yes, yes, I know that expression…where is it now?

Sabotage of the soul….it’s a game I play. I don’t want to play it anymore.

Enough said! I did it!!!!! My Disney Princess Half Marathon report is here full of details (warning, it’s long).