Surviving NJ

We do it to ourselves you know…build up or shoot down our confidence levels…it’s all some twisted game our brain plays with us. We can have one tiny glance in a mirror or a comment we hear take us down a notch or two….and yet build ourselves up if we like how we’re feeling at the moment.

Let’s look at some rational here, and why I consider the mind as a weapon…one that is used against you.

- ever had a fat day? yeah…feeling icky, bloated, funky — but in reality, you weigh exactly the same as you did the day before. MIND GAMES we play with ourselves.

- ever love your outfit, get ready to go out, feeling all happy, then catch an odd angle in a window or mirror – and suddenly feel deflated? MIND GAMES we play with ourselves

- ever feeling lifted because someone says something complimentary to us? Almost like that reality didn’t exist until we heard it from another? MIND GAMES we play with ourselves

- ever feeling pumped up until someone said something less than flattering — there go the winds out of your sails… defeated. MIND GAMES we play with ourselves.

We are what we THINK we are.

This Jersey girl is proud to say I’ve now lost 23 pounds. I noticed something yesterday that felt like a small victory. I have a running skirt I bought a few weeks ago (online) and it didn’t quite fit yet. I knew I was going to be right on the border, but knew I’d want the skirt when I could lose more weight. I got a great deal on it, so I grabbed it a few weeks before I’d fit in it…

As of last night, I fit in it! I’m not saying I look great, but it fit! WOOHOO…that felt like such an achievement. When I first got it 3 weeks ago, I wanted to see how far I had to go. I honestly thought it would take much longer, but apparently not. It slid right up over my hips, and was awesome.

A running skirt is a skirt over compression shorts, so you don’t see any ride-ups. They were recommended to me, so I thought I’d give them a try. I also have two from C9 at Target, but each is cut a little differently. One from C9 I love, the other – not so much. This RunningSkirt.com skirt is awesome though, and there’s much less ride up of the shorts between your thighs. I think this will end up being my brand of choice.

As I’m continuing my weight journey, I can’t buy too many, because my size will hopefully continue to change. I think I can wear this one for a good 20 pounds though…so maybe a few weeks before my first 1/2 marathon I’ll treat myself to a new size (hoping I keep losing here, obviously!) and a new color!

Here I am in all my glory. While I’m smiling- and yes I had a good time, notice that I’m wearing a jacket. BOOOO! It was mid 60’s that day, and not my ideal mid 70’s, though we did get a few of those days in there too!

Honestly, it was fabulous. A sinus infection slowed me down, but couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. A crappy day in Disney is still better than a great day in NJ!

We kept a low profile, and kept it at a relaxed pace. We also added some mid day breaks in on the days we didn’t sleep in half the day! Hey, I needed extra rest since my head was clogged.

We did our favorites, and saw some cool stuff as usual, but I think my favorite was Cinderella’s castle lit up in lights. It was fabulous…the purple/blue and white lights against the dark night just was illuminating….and just well, gorgeous. I was like a little girl smiling when I saw it…Not sure how I haven’t seen it like that before. We must have done Magic Kingdom during the daylight hours in the past at this time of year, because this was the first time in 4 years I’ve seen the castle this way…

I did try to snap a pic on my cell phone, but I haven’t checked to see if it’s clear or blurry uploaded yet. I’ll hope to get to that later in the week.

The best news for me was coming home at the same weight I started at. In the process I gained some muscle, lost some fat and my BMI is down, even though the scale looks the same. Have faith that your body is doing what it needs to do if you work at it. Just happy it went well on that front…

Great trip, and can’t wait to go back again!

I’m heading out on a Disney vacation with my son today. I’m now down 19 pounds, and have held steady here for a few days. I’m nervous to go a full week without my veggie stir fries, or my shakes for confidence to keep me going. This is a good thing though, because it allows me to see how I’ll make out when I continue to lose weight, and have to maintain that weight.

I am making new changes and healthier choices. This has to be a part of my life, not a short time thing to lose weight. I know what those right choices are, and I have to trust myself to make them.

When you have a menu in front of you 3x a day for 7 days, and snacks in front of you — it’s just a habit you form. You either order the grilled chicken, or maybe the fruit – an egg white veggie omelet….or you don’t listen to your sensibility and you go for the fried chicken, or you choose the chocolate cake or the pancakes loaded up with butter.

I’ll make choices one meal at a time, and weigh my options. Enjoy the process of a nice meal in a nice location – or go back to my sloppy eating habits that will cling back to me way too easily. I’m going to fight for myself, and keep going forward with healthy choices one day at a time, one meal at a time. I’m going to trust myself….to make the right choices.

Disney, here I come~

So, this running thing….yeah.

I’ve gone and signed up and now the work goes in. Here’s the thing. I’ve never run a 1/2 marathon before, or well…a marathon, a 5k or a 10k. I picked something to motivate me, and it does…

Anyway, something clicked this week. Nobody can run it for me. And I can’t run it if I don’t put the training in.

By the way, I’m down 17 pounds now!

The other day – I was having one of those — I don’t feel like getting on the treadmill moments, and I reminded myself…Self, nobody is running for you. You have to do the work to get the payoff.

And so I got on the treadmill and put the miles in. It was an interesting awakening.

When the excitement of signing up for a big event wears off, you have the work to do – to get there. I’m doing that work…week after week, after week.

I’m onto week 5 of my C25K, and when I return from Disney – I’ll be jumping into another 14 week training schedule. It’s up where I can see my training each week, and it’s a lot. I’m okay with that, because I’m just going to take it one day at a time.

If I think about an 8 mile, 10 mile or 13 mile run right now, it makes me nervous, so for now – I’m doing my gradual climb and going to take it one workout at a time. I know that with steady work and determination – I’ll get where I’m going.

The thing is…I have to do the work alone. Nobody to push me…nobody to make me – nobody running by my side. I have to be the one who puts my shoes on when I don’t want to, and I have to keep going. I will keep going, because I want this.

Each step, each mile, each piece of this journey will get me to the goal. It’s a mental battle as much as a physical one…and I’m ready to fight for myself!

I’ve dropped 13 pounds so far, and I’m feeling great. I’d say the biggest change I’ve found is my enjoyment of veggies- something that didn’t excite me in the past.

Each day I’m consuming 5 shakes (high in vitamins and nutrients) and either a salad with protein, or a veggie stir fry with protein. When I’ve lost some more weight, I’ll add in a second meal of the day. I am doing a slow transition – since I have such a long way to go….but building in healthy habits now.

I’m doing well on my C25K and am working on week 3 this week. I’m doing it every other day, rather than just the 3 days of a week. This way I can then keep moving onto my next training – and progress, and I’m still only working every other day so I’m not doing too much too fast. In this way, I’ll finish the C25K in about 54 days, as opposed to about 63 days.

My tastes are changing which is exciting to me, and my latest, greatest attitude shift???

I’m going to celebrate what my body and mind CAN do, as opposed to what it can’t. I’m also going to push myself a little harder and challenge myself – which is important for growth.

(I’ve taken this from another one of my journals, so I don’t have to type out these thoughts and feelings again….)

How far can I go? That’s the question I’m asking myself….

I’ve decided to sign up for the Princess 1/2 after spending a lot of time thinking about it this weekend.

Is it too much? Am I crazy? Is it silly for me to even contemplate it?

Here’s what’s been going on in my head….

I mentioned it to my husband – maybe Thursday night? He goes – ya thinK?

HEY! Why can’t I have big goals and dreams?

He goes – why don’t you start with a 5k or something…

Hmmm, could – but WHAT IF I COULD GO FARTHER THAN THAT? Don’t I want to know how far I can go?

If I work hard, and train myself….what if i could go 6 miles, or even 10 miles, and imagine if i make it the full 13 – what an incredible feeling. I don’t want to be capped at 3+ miles.

I had to ask myself some serious questions – and it came down to this….

Would it be hard for me to go and not finish? Actually – no it wouldn’t. I would be proud for putting forth the effort to train and try. That’s where the courage starts…

if i’m swept – i’m swept and I can know i tried. No shame in that….

…and if i’m not swept- WOW, ya know?

—-

So here’s my answer – I’m going to sign up — and do the best I can – and maybe even a little more. If I finish, awesome…if I don’t…i know that the place that I stopped– that’s the place to beat the following year.

It’s a great way to keep motivated, keep moving, and it’s tied into something I love – Disney.

*** I did the official sign-up/registration the day after this was written.

Side note: just ordered Marathoning for Mortals, and in the midst of doing c25k, and as mentioned above – i’m always hopeful – so this optimistic chickie is happy to work towards a goal with a smile.

My son and I head back down to Florida in a couple of weeks. This crappy, rainy weather in NJ makes me all the itchier to get there. We’ve been doing an annual Thanksgiving trip the last few years. I find the more and more I go south – the more and more it “feels like home”.

I love walking through the MCO airport because I realize I’m back to where I want to be – or when the train pulls up in Sanford – it’s the same thing – We’re here!

Next summer I’ll be heading down again with my son and maybe his friend. In a couple months, I may head down with my husband for a couple days…it’s where my brain seems to be often these days.

I used to find my happy place in other locations, but lately – it’s Florida that’s on my brain and is becoming that “happy place”. Sunshine, tons of stuff to do, warm weather year round – what’s not to love?

There’s this saying that I’ve always loved….only this time, it stung.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime….

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, is real. But only for a season.!

I have trust issues, and I’ve pushed away so many friends, I’m left standing as a seasonal friend. I was forced to look at myself this summer when my son posed a question to me about friendship.

I had to be honest with myself and realize just how many people I had pushed away. It’s not you – it’s me. Trust me…it’s me.

I’ve had people I’ve been very close to on more than one occasion – that I’ve walked away from. Nobody pushed me out, I chose to walk away….leaving friends scratching their heads. It didn’t make sense – nothing happened to cause it, but away I went. I was safe for a moment…nobody could get too close, phew!

Let me explain a bit — I’ve been burned a lot in the past. Most of it happened when I was a young adult, and those patterns left scars. My trigger response has come to be that the moment I realize people have the ability to hurt my feelings, or affect me in a certain way – I panic and I run. I don’t like to let people in too close, because then I’m attached and they have the ability to hurt me.

I’d rather turn away before you can hurt me. I just assume you will at some point, even though it’s not your intention. I need to heal this inside of myself.

I’m sorry to friends from my past I’ve walked away from without better explanations. It’s an old wound I need to work on healing….It’s a pattern, one I’ve repeated too many times.

My son’s simple question about friendship really made me stop and look at what I’ve done. I’m so good at isolating myself, I’m going to end up alone if I’m not careful.

I walk away….and then I regret it. I’m too proud or foolish to try to heal the situation – I move forward and find comfort in my new seasonal friends.

I hate this about myself. I need to work on it….I’m putting a spotlight on it, so I’m forced to relook at this issue in my life.

Staging Your Comeback: A Complete Beauty Revival for Women Over 45

I picked up this book last night and am enjoying reading it so far. I love seeing the transformations when I see makeovers, but even better – I like how this lets you take a good look at yourself to see what you can do to make changes that can help me make a difference.

As you get older, it’s so easy to get stuck in a rut. Are you wearing the same hairstyle or even eyeliner you wore 10 years ago? Maybe it’s time for a change…maybe it’s time to look at your style choices. I know I’ve been going through this during this past year. I’m making small changes, but I’m finding that it was time to update – and I’ve been quite happy with the changes. I’m excited to learn what other tips I may find in the book!