Surviving NJ

So, this running thing….yeah.

I’ve gone and signed up and now the work goes in. Here’s the thing. I’ve never run a 1/2 marathon before, or well…a marathon, a 5k or a 10k. I picked something to motivate me, and it does…

Anyway, something clicked this week. Nobody can run it for me. And I can’t run it if I don’t put the training in.

By the way, I’m down 17 pounds now!

The other day – I was having one of those — I don’t feel like getting on the treadmill moments, and I reminded myself…Self, nobody is running for you. You have to do the work to get the payoff.

And so I got on the treadmill and put the miles in. It was an interesting awakening.

When the excitement of signing up for a big event wears off, you have the work to do – to get there. I’m doing that work…week after week, after week.

I’m onto week 5 of my C25K, and when I return from Disney – I’ll be jumping into another 14 week training schedule. It’s up where I can see my training each week, and it’s a lot. I’m okay with that, because I’m just going to take it one day at a time.

If I think about an 8 mile, 10 mile or 13 mile run right now, it makes me nervous, so for now – I’m doing my gradual climb and going to take it one workout at a time. I know that with steady work and determination – I’ll get where I’m going.

The thing is…I have to do the work alone. Nobody to push me…nobody to make me – nobody running by my side. I have to be the one who puts my shoes on when I don’t want to, and I have to keep going. I will keep going, because I want this.

Each step, each mile, each piece of this journey will get me to the goal. It’s a mental battle as much as a physical one…and I’m ready to fight for myself!

I’ve dropped 13 pounds so far, and I’m feeling great. I’d say the biggest change I’ve found is my enjoyment of veggies- something that didn’t excite me in the past.

Each day I’m consuming 5 shakes (high in vitamins and nutrients) and either a salad with protein, or a veggie stir fry with protein. When I’ve lost some more weight, I’ll add in a second meal of the day. I am doing a slow transition – since I have such a long way to go….but building in healthy habits now.

I’m doing well on my C25K and am working on week 3 this week. I’m doing it every other day, rather than just the 3 days of a week. This way I can then keep moving onto my next training – and progress, and I’m still only working every other day so I’m not doing too much too fast. In this way, I’ll finish the C25K in about 54 days, as opposed to about 63 days.

My tastes are changing which is exciting to me, and my latest, greatest attitude shift???

I’m going to celebrate what my body and mind CAN do, as opposed to what it can’t. I’m also going to push myself a little harder and challenge myself – which is important for growth.

(I’ve taken this from another one of my journals, so I don’t have to type out these thoughts and feelings again….)

How far can I go? That’s the question I’m asking myself….

I’ve decided to sign up for the Princess 1/2 after spending a lot of time thinking about it this weekend.

Is it too much? Am I crazy? Is it silly for me to even contemplate it?

Here’s what’s been going on in my head….

I mentioned it to my husband – maybe Thursday night? He goes – ya thinK?

HEY! Why can’t I have big goals and dreams?

He goes – why don’t you start with a 5k or something…

Hmmm, could – but WHAT IF I COULD GO FARTHER THAN THAT? Don’t I want to know how far I can go?

If I work hard, and train myself….what if i could go 6 miles, or even 10 miles, and imagine if i make it the full 13 – what an incredible feeling. I don’t want to be capped at 3+ miles.

I had to ask myself some serious questions – and it came down to this….

Would it be hard for me to go and not finish? Actually – no it wouldn’t. I would be proud for putting forth the effort to train and try. That’s where the courage starts…

if i’m swept – i’m swept and I can know i tried. No shame in that….

…and if i’m not swept- WOW, ya know?

—-

So here’s my answer – I’m going to sign up — and do the best I can – and maybe even a little more. If I finish, awesome…if I don’t…i know that the place that I stopped– that’s the place to beat the following year.

It’s a great way to keep motivated, keep moving, and it’s tied into something I love – Disney.

*** I did the official sign-up/registration the day after this was written.

Side note: just ordered Marathoning for Mortals, and in the midst of doing c25k, and as mentioned above – i’m always hopeful – so this optimistic chickie is happy to work towards a goal with a smile.

My son and I head back down to Florida in a couple of weeks. This crappy, rainy weather in NJ makes me all the itchier to get there. We’ve been doing an annual Thanksgiving trip the last few years. I find the more and more I go south – the more and more it “feels like home”.

I love walking through the MCO airport because I realize I’m back to where I want to be – or when the train pulls up in Sanford – it’s the same thing – We’re here!

Next summer I’ll be heading down again with my son and maybe his friend. In a couple months, I may head down with my husband for a couple days…it’s where my brain seems to be often these days.

I used to find my happy place in other locations, but lately – it’s Florida that’s on my brain and is becoming that “happy place”. Sunshine, tons of stuff to do, warm weather year round – what’s not to love?

There’s this saying that I’ve always loved….only this time, it stung.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime….

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, is real. But only for a season.!

I have trust issues, and I’ve pushed away so many friends, I’m left standing as a seasonal friend. I was forced to look at myself this summer when my son posed a question to me about friendship.

I had to be honest with myself and realize just how many people I had pushed away. It’s not you – it’s me. Trust me…it’s me.

I’ve had people I’ve been very close to on more than one occasion – that I’ve walked away from. Nobody pushed me out, I chose to walk away….leaving friends scratching their heads. It didn’t make sense – nothing happened to cause it, but away I went. I was safe for a moment…nobody could get too close, phew!

Let me explain a bit — I’ve been burned a lot in the past. Most of it happened when I was a young adult, and those patterns left scars. My trigger response has come to be that the moment I realize people have the ability to hurt my feelings, or affect me in a certain way – I panic and I run. I don’t like to let people in too close, because then I’m attached and they have the ability to hurt me.

I’d rather turn away before you can hurt me. I just assume you will at some point, even though it’s not your intention. I need to heal this inside of myself.

I’m sorry to friends from my past I’ve walked away from without better explanations. It’s an old wound I need to work on healing….It’s a pattern, one I’ve repeated too many times.

My son’s simple question about friendship really made me stop and look at what I’ve done. I’m so good at isolating myself, I’m going to end up alone if I’m not careful.

I walk away….and then I regret it. I’m too proud or foolish to try to heal the situation – I move forward and find comfort in my new seasonal friends.

I hate this about myself. I need to work on it….I’m putting a spotlight on it, so I’m forced to relook at this issue in my life.

Staging Your Comeback: A Complete Beauty Revival for Women Over 45

I picked up this book last night and am enjoying reading it so far. I love seeing the transformations when I see makeovers, but even better – I like how this lets you take a good look at yourself to see what you can do to make changes that can help me make a difference.

As you get older, it’s so easy to get stuck in a rut. Are you wearing the same hairstyle or even eyeliner you wore 10 years ago? Maybe it’s time for a change…maybe it’s time to look at your style choices. I know I’ve been going through this during this past year. I’m making small changes, but I’m finding that it was time to update – and I’ve been quite happy with the changes. I’m excited to learn what other tips I may find in the book!

If you’re a woman over 40, maybe 50 or 60 and you’re maybe divorced, lost your husband or are just out of a relationship and looking at dating again, a new look can really help you feel confident again. When you’re ready to start dating again, there’s a service that is specific to seniors – so you can feel comfortable knowing you’re meeting people in a similar age group looking to reconnect in relationships once again too. Try the Senior Dating Service and get your feet wet once again.

I’ve decided to go ahead and start my C25K training again (used it successfully a few years ago). I was going to wait until I lost a little more weight, but I’m motivated – so I said….I’m starting!

I’m excited about this program – because it WORKS! I’ve used it in the past, and found myself to be an overweight woman who was able to run as much as 45 mins at a stretch. I NEVER dreamed I would be able to run even more than ONE minute, but this program has helped A LOT of people ease into running.

If you’re interested in learning more, the program is over at CoolRunning.com

I’ve got my first week, workout 1 behind me – and I’m ready to go!

I’m not going to go too fast, because of my weight, and the pressure on my knees – so I won’t be in it to be winning any speed barriers. I simply would like to be exercising, building my lung capacity and feeling great!

For now, I’ll be walking at 3.5mph, and jogging at 4.0mph…When I’m able to, I’ll work on increasing my speed down the line, but for now – this is a comfortable pace for me. Here I go….

What is wrong with society and the media? I just read a story about a model being fired due to her weight. She was 5′10 and 120 pounds…and overweight???

Filippa Hamiliton — the model who claims she was fired from Ralph Lauren for “being too fat” — During an appearance on “Today” yesterday, Hamilton said that though she is 5′ 10″ and 120 lbs, she was fired because she “was overweight” and “couldn’t fit in their clothes anymore.”

Seriously, do we want people emaciated in magazines? Are you telling me women with curves can’t sell clothing? I’d prefer to see more realistic sizes – sizes of people that I see at the market, on the street, at the mall…then models who are told then are not thin enough to fit in their samples….

In this case it was a model named Flippa, and she worked with Ralph L. Seriously…isn’t it enough?

Isn’t it time to give young girls and women realistic images – images they can relate to? Not pushing to strive for something that isn’t going to happen?

It frustrates me so much. This woman Flippa is a beautiful woman…and yet, sorry – you’re out of a job. Samples don’t fit…

Why do they make samples so damn tiny? What’s wrong that designers aren’t making samples for healthy women to fit into? I’m not talking that someone has to be plus sized – I’m talking about normal sizes – 2,4,6,8,10,12….

Look, I know my own large rear is not what people want to see in magazines, but you know what – women are open to seeing realistic images. Clothes will still sell…empires will not crumple to the ground because you’ve got a model who wears a size 6 or 8 in your magazine. Don’t let our women waste away just to sell an item….

I’m just appalled that a beautiful woman – who is all ready very slender at 120 pounds and 5′10″ tall – is told she isn’t thin enough…just frustrating.

Full Story here

This liquid diet – I wasn’t sure how I’d feel…would I be hungry? Would I feel satisfied? Would I miss chewing?

I’m pleasantly surprised that it’s actually been quite easy to transition. I like not always thinking about food. I love not having to figure out what to eat, and not having to watch my portions. It’s allowing me to just see food as fuel. This is something that’s been a struggle for me for years.

I’m grateful to find a doctor to work with, and feel like I may have a shot at losing some of this excess weight. My knees, my back, my body – it’s screaming for help, and I’m finally feeling hopeful again.

It would appear I’m down about 6 pounds this week. With reduced calories – it happens. I’ve reduced my calories before, but not this much…is this what it takes? I expect the weight loss to slow down at this point to about 1-3 pounds a week. If it’s more great, if it’s less, that’s okay too. I just need weight to come off…I’m at that point that I need this.

I need this for my emotional health. I need this for my physical health. I am hopeful that I can at least get some of this weight off….I haven’t felt hopeful in ages.

I’m trying to take note of feelings, changes, and make this a learning experience as I go. What I notice the most is that I don’t think about food all day. It’s not an obsession…it’s almost like it’s a non-issue. Imagine that. I wonder if that’s how other people are? I’ve been this way for so long now, I don’t know what I used to be like.

I remember obsessing about food when I was young too…At age 16, my first job at Woolworth’s, there was a sale on this one brand of candy bar, something like 10cents each. I bought 10 of them and ate them all….because I could. I look back at my appetite at 10, and eating way too much – always wanting more, always wanting bigger portions. I was at a healthy weight, but the addiction was built in me from very young.

One day at a time…and now one week at a time. If I learn from the process, that’s fabulous…I’ve been on the path to food recovery for years, and now hopefully I’ll shed some of the shame of this weight that weighs me down with embarrassment and pain.

Vera Bradley’s Blue Rhapsody and I are having a love affair. Okay, maybe it’s one sided, but I am just loving this pattern. I’ve picked up a few smaller pieces, and finally snagged this last night. Vera seems to be my latest addiction…

At those prices though, I’m always thrilled when I can snag a bargain on eBay! Last night was one of those times. All the cards lined up right, and now it’s on the way. Happy day!